please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
