I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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