No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
