I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Two words: blizzard sex
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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