omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
