I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
