I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
