When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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