you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
