i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
