Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
