I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
