my being single is dangerous.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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