His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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