Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
