im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
