I could make wine with my vomit
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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