Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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