it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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