oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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