Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
