Yo dont text me then not text me
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
