Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
