I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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