Betty ford says i'm here all night
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
wow bdsm is so cute
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
