why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
