Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
