so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
