Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Found the puke drawer
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
