I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
