oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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