Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
