Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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