you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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