i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
