I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
