Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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