my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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