Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
