I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
