Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The adults are the big ones right?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
