what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
