you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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