I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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