theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
