Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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