i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
