this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
