How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Four minutes until I can fart!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
