I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
