Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
