I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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