you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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