wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
