i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
