I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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