The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
