she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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