i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I need water and some morals
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
