Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
