Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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